Today, We are Fasting for Bo

I am not sure how to dive into this, except to say that the last week and a half have been extremely hard a for our little family.

On May 31st, I took Bo to a dermatologist, because he had a rash on his back. The rash did not seem to bother Bo, but I figured we should get some topical cream from the doctor and take care of it. No big deal, right? Wrong. Less than three minutes into our appointment, the doctor declared that she thought Bo's rash was not just a rash, but a sign of Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis (LCH), a rare disease, and that they would be doing a biopsy right then and there. I was very unprepared for this news, and to see my baby held down, cut, and stitched. Scott was not with me because we were not expecting anything out of the ordinary, and I lost it. I left the room while they did the biopsy and sobbed in the room next door. I felt like a coward. I was so emotional that I could not be strong for my baby.

As I left the doctor's office, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. Scott called a friend over, and together, they gave me and Bo blessings. I felt such peace while I was receiving the blessing. What a wonderful thing it is to have a worthy priesthood holder in our home. As I was receiving the blessing, I had a couple distinct impressions. I felt that everything was going to be okay, but that it was not going to be easy. This was comforting, but it also hurt inside. Why couldn't this trial just be taken away from us?

On Friday, June 1st, Dr. Triplett confirmed that Bo did have LCH. Without diving into too many details, LCH can just be a rash on the skin, and have no greater effect, but it can also be very serious and involve the bones and organs of the victim. There are a lot of unknowns with this disease, because it is very uncommon (1/200,000 children). Also, this disease is like cancer, in that it can go away and come back in the future. Let me warn you, if you google LCH, the details will be disturbing and grim. The doctor assured me that the information online is outdated and referring to worst case scenarios. She also said that because Bo is so happy and seems so healthy, she suspects there is not serious organ involvement. This was great information, and would have been wonderful to know the week prior. Bo does seem so happy and healthy, so I just have to believe that this will be minor. I feel and hope that everything will be okay, but I am not sure exactly what okay means and that hurts. We find out detailed results in the next week.

 It causes me pain to watch him endure the pricks, pokes, and tests from the doctors. He has no idea what is going on, just that he does not like it. On Friday, they drew his blood, took out his biopsy stitches, and did a skeletal survey. The nurses held him down for 10 minutes and took x rays of his entire body. He screamed the entire time, but as soon as he was handed to his mama, he was all smiles. I think we all can learn something from Bo's positive attitude and resilience. This boy is always happy and full of smiles. 

I have never known such deep love for my baby as I have felt this past week. I have learned that I need Bo in my life much more than he needs me. Before this, I always viewed being a mother as blessing a child's life. While this is true, I think it is backwards. Bo blesses my life so much more than I will ever bless his. He is a light to our family. With Bo around, I have felt and seen little bits of heaven everywhere. He is my little angel.