In a few short days, I will be entering the third trimester of this pregnancy. This means that in a few short months I will no longer be pregnant, but I will have a child. This is so weird for me. I have barely recognized that this whole pregnancy thing is real. When we have our ultrasounds, the picture up on the screen seems to be disconnected from me-this could not really be my baby, or inside of my body.
But I cannot ignore reality. I am going to have a baby. I am going to be a mom. We are going to be parents.
I am excited about the future, but I am also very weary. I am not a negative person, but I am so much a realist. I know this baby will be wonderful, but I also know this wonder brings many responsibities and changes. I have had an extermely easy pregnancy, but even with my experience, I often wonder why women give up so much of themselves to have a baby. Sometimes I think we must be crazy.
I slowly see my freedom-that I so adore- slipping away. I envision our clean house, and our relaxed evenings turned upside down and flipped around. My stomach is no longer mine, my belly button is no longer mine, my ankles must belong to someone else, and my back is that of a 75 year old woman.
Although sometimes the uncomfortableness of pregnancy overshadows the miracle, as I sit here and share my feelings, the truth surfaces. I am in love with this little baby boy (Beau, James, or maybe even a Jack) and care so much for his well being. Being parents will be difficult, and maybe not glamarous, but we have created life and that is a miracle. I hope he knows how much his parents love him and strive to create a wonderful life full of opportunities for him and their family.
After a while and you have had him you will think "what did we ever do with out the kids?" But I do remember thinking after bringing Cameron home that first night and seeing David and feeling kind of sad that it wasn't just me and him anymore. Motherhood is awesome and you will be an awesome mother. Your relationship with your husband will grow in different ways than it hasn't yet! The best is yet to be!
ReplyDeleteI was feeling the same way! Now I look at my boy and somedays I feel like I was never pregnant and others it feels like I was pregnant just yesterday. Time sure does fly so enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and every moment you have with your new baby. I can't believe Kostya is already 4 1/2 months old! You and Scott will grow so much closer together taking care of your child, the child that you two made together! Since I just went through this let me know if you have any questions!
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